So what is forgiveness exactly?
I’m sure the answer is very individual and that great souls like the Dalai Lama or Paramahansa Yogananda live or lived forgiveness in a much different way than you and I.
Forgiveness as we live it means that I first have to judge the person or situation I want to forgive.
But: Who am I to judge?
Wouldn’t it be better to go beyond judgment where forgiveness isn’t needed, creating more equality between perpetrator and victim and more chance of balance?
Forgiveness also means that the person who’s been hurt takes part of the responsibility and part of the guilt.
I have clients who have been abused, who are punishing themselves for being incapable of forgiveness. They’ve been hurt, are the victims but yet they feel guilty! They’ve taken on a responsibility that should be in the hands of the perpetrator.
What gives them relief is a secured space to say out loud what hurt them most. This is very important to give there suffering a rightful place outside of them! This is most often the first step in their healing process.
I ask the client to visualize the perpetrators reaction and to leave all the responsibility for the abuse with them. By doing this the perpetrator gets back the opportunity to take on there guilt and to feel sorry for what they’ve done – or not. The victim is freed of all responsible for the actions and decisions of the other person and gets the possibility to withdraw entirely from the story and make the best out of their life. That’s real freedom!
I call this freedom backgiveness!
The victim doesn’t have to carry the load, or make the decision to forgive or not. Backgiveness is a place where forgiveness and judgment are not needed.
For those who see abuse from a spiritual point of view this might seem wrong because on a soul level these two souls made some sort of agreement with each other to grow, but there are different rules on the soul level than there are on the physical level. Different levels need different healing.
You tell a victim about an agreement of the soul it will hurt them even more on the physical level. As soon as a client is through the physical healing process this might change with a deeper truth emerging that will rise to the surface.
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